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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908330">Inconsolable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleenaDume/pseuds/EleenaDume'>EleenaDume</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And then it was you and me (against the universe) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, But not as many as in canon, But the war is still over, Domestic Fluff, Etain lives, F/M, Family Fluff, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Family, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’m actually nice to characters now, I’m not sure how it happened either, Kad has nightmares, Okay technically people still died, Order 66 didn’t happen, not a lot of angst tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:56:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleenaDume/pseuds/EleenaDume</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, Kad wakes up screaming and crying, and no matter how hard Darman tries, the child is just inconsolable until his mother takes him into her arms.<br/>Sometimes, it’s like he’s afraid Etain could just disappear. Like he needs her to hold him to be certain she’s still there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>RC-1136 | IC-1136 | Darman Skirata/Etain Tur-Mukan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And then it was you and me (against the universe) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Inconsolable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So basically, this takes place in an AU where Anakin helped arrest Palpatine instead of saving him, therefore, Order 66 never happened. The war ended shortly after, in a way more peaceful manner than it did in RotS.<br/>Etain decided to stay with the Jedi Order instead of leaving it – which will be explained eventually –, causing Darman to remain on Coruscant with Kad so they can be close to her and see her often.<br/>The Jedi Order seems to be turning more blind eyes at this point.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain was wide awake and halfway dressed before she got the call. She always was. When it happened, it sent a ripple through the force that always woke her up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up, but I-”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay. Don’t apologize. I’ll be right there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And just like that, the conversation was over. She finished getting dressed and was out of her room at the temple in a matter of seconds.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">A part of her wished for a universe in which she could actually </span> <span class="s2">have</span> <span class="s1"> these conversations with Darman over com instead of saving them for when they met face to face because no outsider could find out what was going on without putting both of them at risk. It would make it easier for her if she could actually have asked for details, or to speak to her son personally, or to hum his favorite mandalorian lullaby into her com until the traffic was too loud for him to hear. But that just wasn’t possible. For now, at least, she would have to make do with what she had.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she was entirely honest with herself, there were probably people that knew what was going on already. There had been rumors about her and Darman going around the people she worked with during the war for years. It was also no secret that she spent a vast amount of time away from the temple despite living there, and that while a lot of that time she spent away was due to missions or her being deeply invested in the clone rights movements, those didn’t exactly explain her sudden disappearances in the middle of the night.<br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Skywalker might have guessed what was going on. Then again, Skywalker had a family of his own that he had only been officially allowed to have when his twins were born, so he was probably the last one that would ever call someone out on their secret relationship – if anything, she was pretty sure she’d heard him cover for her at least once when someone had asked about one of her nighttime detours. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was kind like that – and actually a surprisingly good guy and very sweet father from what she’d seen, if hot-headed at times.<br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But that just made him more normal than she considered most of the order at this point.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain sighed as she stepped out into the cold night air. Flashing signs greeted her from every side. Coruscant never really went to sleep, it was never really dark outside on the upper levels, even in the latest hours of the evening and earliest hours of the morning. Some shops here never closed. It could be rather overwhelming for people who grew up elsewhere.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her speeder bike was parked right across the street from one of those signs – a small tapcaf that she really liked and often went to for breakfast when she had the time.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She always had her speeder bike ready to take her anywhere she needed or desired to be, whenever she wanted. She made sure to properly refuel it every time she returned to the temple, and she always left it in the exact same spot, where it still stood, waiting for her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took merely a few seconds for the engines to hum to life.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Coruscant traffic wasn’t a lot more convenient at night than it was during the daytime, but she was used to it, and her reflexes warned her in time if a situation got dangerous.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was worried... she was always worried when she felt the small ripple through the force. It was a constant feeling of despair and loneliness and sadness that washed over her in continuous waves. And if she didn’t personally interfere, it didn’t stop.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her worry and the waves of emotion kept her company during her entire ride.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Darman immediately answered the door when she rang the doorbell.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked complete tired out and desperate, and somehow he still felt the need to apologize to her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry. I tried getting him back to sleep by myself, but-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nayc!” She crossed her arms. “I told you there’s no need to apologize for that, cyar’ika. Ever.” She kissed him softly and then gently took the child from his arms. “I’m his mom. I should be the one taking him to bed every once and again.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She loved saying that. She loved that she could finally say it out loud and hold her son and rock him and kiss him and call him her son all she wanted without having to feel guilty about it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They sat down on the couch together. He was eyeing the floor.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I should know how to get him to sleep by now. Maybe I’m just a terrible father.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain rested her head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand tightly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say that. You’re a wonderful father. And a wonderful husband. You’re doing great, I promise.” She stroked her son’s head gently. “I’m still learning to be a good mom.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kad was still crying, like he had been for the past half an hour, but there was something... almost magical to her touch that made him calm down almost immediately after he felt she was there. A couple of minutes of her holding him, and he was back to his usual, giggly, tired self again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a wonderful buir. Much better than I could ever be. I could never do this the way you do. Calm him down like this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain shook her head.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true. You’re the best buir any child could ask for. Kad loves you so much. Don’t you, ad’ika?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She picked him up, and her son reached for his father and beamed at him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Boo sha.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Darman almost started crying when he took him back into his arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain smiled proudly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone learned a new word, did we?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">,Sha’ wasn’t quite ,cyare’ just yet, but it was clear enough that was what he meant.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kad nodded and smiled proudly as he moved closer to Darman’s chest.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See? You’re a wonderful father.” Etain kissed her husband’s cheek. “I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He put his arms around her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too. What in the universe did I do to deserve the two of you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She snuggled closer to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were yourself. That’s all you ever needed to do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They sat like that silently for a while, just holding each other close, at peace with the world and the universe alike. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kad eventually fell asleep sprawled out across both of their legs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain laughed softly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think that’s a sign that it’s time for us to go back to bed as well. Come on.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She picked up her son, careful not to wake him when she did, singing the mandalorian lullaby Ordo had taught her a while ago that her child loved so much. That always calmed him down. His little nerf plushie did, too, for some reason. He’d been holding onto it for dear life for a while now.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t understand,” Darman mumbled quietly as they tucked him in together. “I usually know how to calm him down, but... some nights he’s just...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Inconsolable.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain kissed Kad’s forehead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He would be sleeping in the big bed today. There were days he woke up screaming and crying, and sharing the bed with both of his parents holding him was what calmed him down most after his nightmares, and what kept him from having more.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither of them had, so far, been able to really grasp what they were about, and Kad wasn’t quite able to put them into words yet... but there seemed to be a specific theme to these nightmares.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes, it’s like he’s afraid I could disappear. Like he needs me to hold him to be certain that I’m still here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been like this ever since the war had ended a couple of months ago.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Etain couldn’t really explain it, but until her presence in the force touched his, Kad was so numbed by fear that he barely sensed anything else that was going on around him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was scary, and it hurt her to see him cry like this.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">During these nights, Darman could never get him to calm him down, no matter how hard he tried.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put on one of the nightgowns she kept in the apartment before getting into bed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay, ad’ika. I’m right here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kad snuggled up to her when she laid down next to him. On some nights, he just needed her to hold him close. She didn’t mind at all. She loved falling asleep like this.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Darman put his arms around her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sleep well, cyar’ika.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He put his chin above her head as he closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that, right? You and Kad both,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was no place quite as comfortable in the entire universe as her husband’s embrace.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Careful, if you keep saying that, I might eventually be forced to believe you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You better.” She yawned again as her eyes closed. “I promise I’ll try to be here faster next time. Coruscant traffic is awful, but you need sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can function on way less sleep than you can – we both know that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean you should. I should be getting up to get him to sleep sometimes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s alright. You change things back at the temple. That’s important. Besides, I love spending time with Kad. I don’t care what time it is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re so sweet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s my son. And what’s more, he’s yours. How could I do anything but love him to death?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The sincerity and unconditional love in his voice almost broke her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Knock it off. It’s too early in the day for you to be making me cry,” Etain mumbled, squeezing his hand tightly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” He smiled at her softly. “Will you be staying for breakfast? I could make pancakes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d been working on his cooking for a while now. At first, it had been somewhere between decent and bad, dependent on what he was trying to make – but even back then she’d been so moved every time he’d tried to cook for her that she’d sometimes started crying over it. And after some practice, he’d actually gotten pretty good at it, and eventually, even better than she was.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s also too early in the day to be bribing me with your cooking skills,” she joked. “But yeah, if you put it like that... I guess I’ll stay for breakfast.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which, of course, she would have done anyway.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Soon, both of them had dozed off, Etain in Darman’s arms and Kad in hers.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For tonight, they were just a normal family like any other... and even when they weren’t – they were happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As long as they had each other, that was all they‘d ever need.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mando’a-translations:<br/>nayc ~ no<br/>cyar’ika ~ darling, sweetheart<br/>buir ~ father, mother<br/>ad’ika ~ little one<br/>cyare ~ loved, beloved </p><p>...I hope I didn’t forget anything.</p><p>Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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